Elephant in the room

The title of this post is how I have been feeling for months. I don't want to make people feel bad for me, just want to get out my thoughts. Most days I stay home and keep to myself because its hard to go anywhere and not feel hurt by something someone says or does. Holidays especially are really hard on me. Tomorrow is easter and all I can think about is how I should have my own children to put cute little bunny ears on or dye easter eggs with. When I walk into the stores I see all the cute dresses and outfits for children that I long to be able to buy. I do not regret sharing our experiences with everyone because I know in some ways i have helped others who did not tell people they are suffering from infertility. I just wish that we could beat this disease so I know longer feel like the giant elephant in the room that everyone has to tip toe around or keep hush hush. I want to be able to rejoice in my friends excitement and not feel like I am going to break down in tears at any time. I want to be able to log onto facebook and not get sad because I to should be posting u/s pics or belly pics. I am not sure when we will be doing another round of IVF, we are in the Aug cycle at Wilford hall just in case we are ready but it is taking a while to heal from our 2nd failed IVF. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about our little embryos that didn't grow to become babies.

Last week I was home in Wisconsin for spring break, the family I nanny for was gone for the week so I decided to make use of my week off. It was a trip that I definitely needed but now its back to reality. Being away from family makes dealing with infertility even harder. I made a post before this about National Infertility Awareness Week that would be great if everyone could take a look at.

http://www.resolve.org/ is a great website for info about infertility.

The goal with sharing my story and others sharing their story is to show that infertility is real and that it is a disease that should be taken serious. Most insurance do not cover any costs for helping over come infertility. I would like to see that changed as well as many others.

National Infertility Awareness Week

Tomorrow starts awareness week for Infertility. As most of you know Devin and I have been dealing with infertility for almost 5 years. But what you may not know is how it affects us and others. Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age. I have found a couple articles I would like to share with you and a video that pretty much describes what I feel on a daily basis. Please take a few minutes to read the article and watch the video.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dina-roth-port/infertility-the-disease-w_b_819978.html

http://www.vimeo.com/11214833

I know a lot of people are not really sure what to say or not to say to a person dealing with infertility so here is article that I think is great.

http://mccormickdd.blogspot.com/p/infertility-etiquette.html

NIAW

Next month The Lucky 7 will be hosting an amazing giveaway event in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week. Each day of that week an awesome item will be given away. Truly, awesome. So yes, that's SEVEN, great products up for grabs. These 7 prizes have a total retail value of over $550!! Earn extra entries today by visiting http://bit.ly/i8lvVM



Another good link:

https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/SPageServer?pagename=evt_niaw09_infertility101

Changes

Changed my blog around, what do you think? I was in need of a change, I feel like it helps me move forward some instead of same old same old.

Not much to update, we wont be talking about what is next until after March 15th when orders for a move would come out.

Negative

As most of you already know my blood test on Tuesday showed that I am not pg, thats the final answer for this cycle. I do have one snow baby but no clue what will be the next step if there is one. It typically takes 3 ivf cycles to get pg. The doc said that the embroys were good, just getting them to implant can be the hard step. Since we did a day 3 transfer we have no clue if the 2 transfered made it to blastocyst or even divided anymore then the 8 cells they were. They must make it to blastocyst to make it to freeze. I would like to do another IVF in Aug but its doesn't seem that will be happening. I still have a chance to get pg with the snowbaby or a fresh IVF so I am not ready to even think about adopting. Most people don't know that adoption can be just as painful and heartbreaking as IVF. In NV the mom has up to 3 days after she gives birth to change her mind about letting her baby be adopted. So I could be just as hopeful and have everything taken away. Adoption also takes years and can be just as expensive as IVF. Also there is nothing wrong with my uterus so I am not in need of a surrogacy. I'm not a quitter I like to keep trying, always been that way in life. Lived by the quote "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger," and each fail has made me stronger. But I cannot speak for the both of us. Thank you everyone for your prayers, please pray for both Devin and I to find guidance in the next step.

For anyone who may be confused on how to speak to someone with infertility here is a great article. http://mccormickdd.blogspot.com/p/infertility-etiquette.html

-Dawn

Cryopreservation

Cryopreservation, thats a big word haha. We had one embroy that made it to blastocyst which is required for freezing(cryopreservation). I am a little bummed that only 1 of the 5 made it to freeze but we will take what we can get. Were praying so so so hard that our 2 embryos make themselves at home for 9 months :)

Today i am 4dp3dt, implantation can happen between today and 7dp3t.

2dp3dt

2dp3dt

What does that mean...2 Days past 3 day transfer. I have been on bed rest since we got back from the transfer and going crazy. Anyone who knows me knows I am a busy bee most the time. Its really nice out today so all I could do was open then window to get some fresh air. I have read that implantation happens sometime between 4-7 days past transfer for a 3 day transfer. Its really hard to not look too far into things when I have this much extra time on our hands. I have no clue when I will start testing with HPTs and I do know when my Beta(pg blood work) is but wont be saying the date. Tomorrow is the super bowl so that should help some with making time go by faster and then Monday we head back to Vegas. I'm going to miss Texas I like it here the dogs are very happy here. When we get back to Vegas it wont be long and Devin will be testing for Tech Sgt. Lots of big things happening for the McCormick's this month, 2011 has been such a great year so far.

PUPO!!!!

This morning we went back to Wilford hall for our last trip to have our embabies transfered back to their home. Out of the 9 follies that fertilizes we still had 7 this morning. We transfered 2 grade 8B, the rest are still growing are grades 9B, 7B, 7B, 7B and 6B. Those 5 will be kept until day 5 or 6 to see if they are good enough to freeze. We are praying they will, so we will have them for future babies.

This morning was so amazing, Devin was able to look into the microscope and see our embabies and stay with me the whole time they were transfered back to their home. We are both so happy and feel so positive. The doc did tell us that 1/3 of the women who get pg have twins. Which of course we would love, but will still be happy with one healthy baby. For now I am on bed rest and going to take it really easy. We wont be heading back to Vegas until after the super bowl.

Here is a pic of our embabies in their home, the white dot is the 2 embabies in a bubble.

BTW PUPO means pregnant until proven otherwise.

#2 phone call of the day

Doc called again to give us our transfer time, it will be Thursday at 930am(central time). I have to drink 1 liter of liquid and not use the restroom, bladder has to be full. Thats going to be so tough for me, but no pain no gain. Tonight I will start progesterone shots which I heard are not so fun. I already know what the needle is like since we use same needle for trigger shot. The progesterone(PIO shot) is a oil so its kind of thick. I'm not scared tho, starting the PIO shots means we are getting ready to be pregnant.

Oh yea doc also said numbers are the same so all 9 embabies are still growing :)

Well the doc called.....

AND WE HAVE EMBABIES!!!!!! Out of the 18 follies they retrieved 10 were matured and...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................9 FERTILIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Were both so Very Happy!!!!! Normally the doc waits until they get the transfer time, then they call and let you know how many are growing when your transfer appointment is, but he knew we wanted to know right away. He will call later on to let me know what time our appt for transfer will be, it should be thursday sometime. So for now please pray our embabies grow grow grow and are great quality, and that they all grow so we have snowbabies for the future!!! The Doc also mentioned he has no reason to believe that will have any issues in future IVF cycles, that the only issue he can tell is the egg having a layer that is too hard for the sperm to penetrate on its own. ICSI did the trick!

God is good!!!

TRIGGER TIME!!!

Tonight I will take my Trigger shot to release the follies from the ovaries, before they actually release the doc will go in and retrieve them. The ER date and time is set for Monday at 730am. I'm so nervous but ready to move forward. They didn't count as many today at the ultrasound which bums me out but we need to worry more about the quality of the eggs rather then how many we can get. The doc did say I stimmed better this time, I was even on a pretty low dose. So we are done with the belly injections and now move onto the trigger shot which has to be put into the muscle. After we get the fertilization report I will start progesterone shots.

Update Update Update!!!!

So after 6 days(going on 7) of the stimming injections I have lead follie the size of 18mm which is where they like to see the follies for retrieval. The doc is thinking Monday ER(egg retrieval) so that means tomorrow I would do the trigger shot. I go back again sat am to do more blood work and another ultra to make sure things are still progressing and will be ready Monday am. Time seemed to be moving so slow and now Er is just about here. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Today they counted 16 on the left and 12 on my right they are thinking will be ready, there were few 11mm which probably wont catch up but hey we can be hopeful. Thankfully I respond well to the medication so even if the smaller ones don't catch up I will still have a lot to work with.

First Injection Done!!

Devin was a pro of course giving me the injection, I'm so grateful he so good at giving them. My injections are 12 hours apart, so this morning I did 150 iu of Follistim and then tonight I do 15 units of micro Hcg. So anyways 7 more injections then I go back for u/s and b/w to see how everything is growing.

A fresh Start!!!!!

We had our baseline today and everything looks GREAT!! So far I have 12 follies on the left and 13 on the right that the U/S tech could see. More will probably pop up as I start the injections. I will be doing the same amount of medication as last cycle. The injections will start on sat, one in the morning and one at night. Then we go back Wednesday to see how the follies are growing, I will have more blood work and another U/S. So my guess is that my retrieval will be on the 1st of Feb. So for now we get to sit back and relax for a couple days. We are really enjoying staying with a couple who is stationed out here; they live out in the country, the dogs are in heaven. Its so peaceful out here, I even heard a rooster this morning when I took Shelby out, she took advantage of the freedom and ran after a rabbit into the dark foggy morning. She of course came back, she can never stray too far from her mommy.

Im going to add a photo of the bags of stuff we picked up today at the pharmacy, lets see if you can guess which bag is Devin's and which 2 are mine, haha :)

YAY Packers!!!

Yesterday was such an awesome game, Devin and I had a blast at the Packer bar. We are going to take the energy from the bar and the awesome win over the Falcons with us to Texas. I have one more BCP, Devin admitted he cannot wait for me to be done with those pills. Then hopefully by the end of the week I will start stimming to grow lots and lots of follies. My first appt will be Wednesday, I'm assuming I will be on the same protocol as last IVF cycle but will know more Wednesday and make sure to update then!!

Resolutions for the McCormicks

We have 2 main resolutions that we will work towards this year. :) We would first off love to get pregnant, which is in the works and coming up very soon as all of you know. As it gets closer we are getting more and more excited, and since we have been through it once before, we know what to expect.

Our 2nd main resolution is to become 100% debt free. We started paying off debts in Oct 2010 by quickly wiping out two low-balance credit cards, and a student loan. We have two remaining debts to include another credit card, and a car loan. Our goal is to be debt free by the end of 2011. It felt great to pay off the smaller debts, they were small victories that helped us gain momentum and were a huge source of motivation for us. I cannot wait to get these other ones out of the way, we are both hooked on Dave Ramsey after taking his Financial Peace University with our small group. We even bought the DVD series for ourselves to keep us on track. From now on anything we buy will be paid for in cash, starting with our IVF and travels to Texas. His lessons have really transformed how we handle finances. It feels so good to pay cash for things and not worry about those items being charged to a credit card. For anyone who hasn't heard anything about Dave check out his website http://www.daveramsey.com/home/

Some other resolutions would be to get rid of some stuff that is not needed around the house. I have so much clothing I never wear anymore, so im going to go through it all and give it away to someone who needs it. We would also like to take more classes with the church and get involved again with our small group when we get back from Texas. As for Devin he is working hard on studying for promotion to Technical Sergeant (E-6) in the spring. After testing he would like to go back to school and get his bachelors degree.

I hope to make a post in the future telling everyone we have succeeded at our resolutions.

We are two weeks away from our Baseline, I am still on the BCPs. Cannot wait to be done with these things and move forward to growing our family.