The title of this post is how I have been feeling for months. I don't want to make people feel bad for me, just want to get out my thoughts. Most days I stay home and keep to myself because its hard to go anywhere and not feel hurt by something someone says or does. Holidays especially are really hard on me. Tomorrow is easter and all I can think about is how I should have my own children to put cute little bunny ears on or dye easter eggs with. When I walk into the stores I see all the cute dresses and outfits for children that I long to be able to buy. I do not regret sharing our experiences with everyone because I know in some ways i have helped others who did not tell people they are suffering from infertility. I just wish that we could beat this disease so I know longer feel like the giant elephant in the room that everyone has to tip toe around or keep hush hush. I want to be able to rejoice in my friends excitement and not feel like I am going to break down in tears at any time. I want to be able to log onto facebook and not get sad because I to should be posting u/s pics or belly pics. I am not sure when we will be doing another round of IVF, we are in the Aug cycle at Wilford hall just in case we are ready but it is taking a while to heal from our 2nd failed IVF. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about our little embryos that didn't grow to become babies.
Last week I was home in Wisconsin for spring break, the family I nanny for was gone for the week so I decided to make use of my week off. It was a trip that I definitely needed but now its back to reality. Being away from family makes dealing with infertility even harder. I made a post before this about National Infertility Awareness Week that would be great if everyone could take a look at.
http://www.resolve.org/ is a great website for info about infertility.
The goal with sharing my story and others sharing their story is to show that infertility is real and that it is a disease that should be taken serious. Most insurance do not cover any costs for helping over come infertility. I would like to see that changed as well as many others.
You know Dawn, it's OK for you to be around others and rejoice with them all the while you're crying for your own loss. We all can take it, we all feel regret for you, not pity, we all care. So, if you feel like crying, damn it, do it.
ReplyDeleteDon't shut out your life and the enjoyment and silliness that kids can bring. We all can cradle each other and help each other through the tough times in life. That's what friends and family are for. We all should care for each other and not have to worry about shouting our joy. We want to share it with the world so everyone can rejoice. By rejoicing with others, we gain ourselves.
I will always care for you and I am sorry if what I say upsets you, I just want you to not be sad. You KNOW I'm not politically correct!
You summed up all the feeling I had for years in this post! It takes a strong person to realize these feelings and let others know how you feel. Your family and friends will totally understand if you need to cry or laugh or scream! Lots of hugs going out to you and prayers that these feelings will be distant memories very soon. <3
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